The Power of Proactivity: How Couple Therapy Can Save Bonds
The beginning of your relationship seemed like it was straight out of a fairytale. You found someone who loves you for who you are, someone who knows you like the back of their hand. Everything fell into place—and you couldn’t believe that what was once a pipe dream finally happened to you.
But in just a blink of an eye, you’re slowly drifting away from each other. You’ve hit a bump in the road, and you spend your nights asking yourself the same question all over again: ‘Should we break up?’
According to Dr. Gottam, it takes six years before a couple seeks couple therapy partly because of shame. A lot of couples falsely assume that if they can’t work through their issues on their own, then something is inherently wrong with their relationship.
This is why some couples rarely make it out of the tunnel, letting wounds fester instead of actively facing issues together.
So, in situations like this, how can couple therapy in Singapore help you and your partner patch up and reignite the spark? What are the benefits of this kind of counselling? And what are the telltale signs that say it’s time to seek the guidance of a licensed counsellor?
Let’s talk about them in detail below.
Getting Started: What Is Couple Therapy?
Also known as couples counselling, couple therapy is a form of psychotherapy that helps partners in committed relationships attain a deeper understanding of their connection. You clear disagreements, misunderstandings, and negative feelings through the guidance of an unbiased professional called a couples counsellor.
During your sessions, they will mediate conflict, give neutral feedback and monitor progress, among other things.
It’s not about finding fault, unleashing your rage, or pointing fingers at each other. This type of therapy will equip you and your partner with new ideas, perspectives, and a healthy amount of compassion that can deepen your understanding of one another.
In a nutshell, couple therapy is where you learn how to be better partners.
However, it can be hard to get past the stigma of considering couple therapy due to harmful misconceptions. Some couples experience guilt and shame when they realize couple therapy is where they’re heading.
They think they aren’t good at communication. Worse, they tell themselves that none of this would happen if they only truly love each other. None of these things is true.
When you’re a couple, it’s normal to face conflicts. You didn’t grow up in the same environment; you were raised differently, resulting in differing beliefs about many things. That’s why you’re bound to argue and misunderstand each other. What matters is what you do when you’re knee-deep in conflict and how you choose to move forward.
This is what couple therapy is for.
Types of Couple Therapy Techniques You Should Know
There are different approaches and techniques to couple therapy, and choosing the right one for your relationship entirely depends on your goals. This includes the following:
Gottman Method
Created by husband and wife psychologists John Gottman and Julie Gottman, the Gottman method aims to equip couples with problem-solving skills and empathy. Through this method, you can identify the Four Horsemen in your conflicts which typically include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Moreover, it involves areas of conflict like learning about each other’s triggers, discovering shared values, and sharing relationship histories.
Couples who opt for the Gottman method typically start their sessions with an assessment tool. It’s a comprehensive questionnaire that covers five categories:
Friendship and Intimacy
The Safety Scales
The Conflict Scales
The Shared Meaning System
Individual Areas of Concern
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT)
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT) was developed back in the 1980s—a technique revolving around the belief that emotions are linked to identity.
When applied to couple therapy, EFT encourages couples to share problematic moments in the relationship. They will then identify and make sense of the emotions that further intensify specific issues and feelings of disconnection.
It usually lasts between eight to 20 sessions, where the therapist focuses on destructive patterns and the attachment styles of couples. This technique is especially helpful for treating couples where one suffers from addiction, depression, PTSD, and other conditions.
Narrative Therapy
The premise behind narrative therapy is that the stories you and your partner tell yourselves shape the behaviour you show towards one another. This is where you will slowly reconstruct negative narratives that potentially sabotage or harm your relationship dynamic.
Narrative therapists will guide you through writing healthier narratives that embrace the needs of each partner while nurturing intimacy. In most cases, it can help a person get rid of the mindset that they deserve a failing relationship because they are a failure themself.
Reflective Listening
If you want to improve your communication skills, reflective listening might just be the perfect solution for you. It’s a type of couple therapy that helps you hone the skill of deliberately listening to your partner to truly understand where they are coming from.
Each of you will take turns being an active listener and allow your partner to speak freely. Every time you express what you feel, you will try rephrasing your statements using ‘I’ instead of ‘you’. For a conversation to be productive and less stressful, you stop yourself from being accusatory.
The easiest way to practice reflective listening is to see a couples counsellor. The session will be structured in a way that keeps you or your partner from lashing out at each other and storming out.
Your therapist can also be on the lookout for passive-aggressive behaviour, which can just fuel confusion and conflict.
Other types of couple therapy techniques also include Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT), solution-focused therapy, and Imago relationship therapy, among others.
Benefits of Couple Therapy: Why You Should Seek One
It’s completely natural to feel anxious about the idea of seeking couple therapy. Revealing the details of your relationship to a stranger can feel terrifying, especially when you can’t imagine sharing these issues with your friends and family.
It can also feel like a sign that your relationship is coming to an end. Why else would you feel the need to sit in front of a therapist if everything is right on track?
Contrary to popular belief, couple therapy can actually be a sign of strength. It shows that you’re strong and mature enough to face the problems being thrown at your relationship with the help of the right therapist.
To help you redefine your perspective on couple therapy, let’s talk about its benefits: